Yes, I’m alive!  I’ve missed the opportunity to share exciting info on sexuality and relationships with you. 

I finished 2020 up with sharing the news that my family was going to all be together again. We were and it was fabulous! 

In January 2021, I sent an email to my newsletter friends asking what you wanted to see and hear more of during 2021.   

Some Ideas included: 

• What are some of the needs for men and women? How are they similar, different and how do they complement each other? 
• How to talk about money with your partner
• How to get past the not so little things that bug big time
• How to keep sexual intimacy fresh
• How to manage work stress so it doesn’t leave its mark on your relationships at home
• And more stories and experiences from me

Based on this feedback I thought I would create a series over the next couple months that focus on the most common questions I hear.   

(When I taught Human Sexuality at a community college in New York the question was “why don’t guys used toilet paper?”.  That’s not the question that I’m going to focus on). 

The answer to these two questions is summed up by understanding the most basic needs of men and women. 

Now I’ve been coaching for many years and I’ve been married to the same fantastic guy for 24 years. I also have six brothers and quite a few brothers-in-law and have worked with a lot of different men. 

As different as each one of these guys are, they still have in common the same basic needs. 

Likewise, women are unique and different but are driven by the same basic needs. The next few blog posts are going to focus on the needs and tips for meeting these basic needs. 

Now, let’s talk about one need for a man and one for a woman. 

I’m going to share a recent experience that combines the need of a man and a woman and how both needs were being met. 

So, since my last post in January 2021 my life took an unexpected turn.  Just after that posting, I received news that I needed to have surgery.  It was non-life threatening but if left unchecked it would become a life-threatening matter.  I decided to act sooner than later. 

I started the process of meeting with the different doctors scheduling the surgery and going through all the post-operative follow-ups.  (Side note all the doctors’ visits were more tiring than anything else.) 

I had the surgery done. Like most surgeries there was an open wound made and it would take time to heal and it has healed. The incision was made under my left arm. This made my left side tender and limited what I could do with my arm. 

I had gone a day or two after surgery without a shower. My body was telling me it was time to clean off the stench. (Plus, I couldn’t stand myself anymore.)

I asked my husband to help me out. I was quite the mess, slick floors, an injured limb, and not to mention that I was currently on prescription drugs. My husband was very careful and patient.  He helped me get all cleaned up. While this was happening, I told him I was sorry for being such a burden. He said, “I like helping you and taking care of you”.   One of a man’s basic needs- to feel needed. 

As an independent woman this can be hard to swallow. But, it’s not the first time he has told me this and I’ve tried to become more interdependent in our relationship during our marriage. 

When my husband told me he likes helping me it touched on a woman’s basic need- to feel safe and secure.  He stood there to make sure I didn’t slip or fall. 

Now here’s a difference between men and women.

Remember my new bathroom with the glass walls and door, that we started as our COVID-19 remodel project? 

We have been using a squeegee to clean the glass after showering. Given that this was my first time back in the shower, I was getting tired and I was ready to get out. I turned off the water. My husband went to hand me a towel. I said, “I need to clean the glass” and  He said, “Don’t worry about it”. 

The difference between men and women 

I want the Castle to be beautiful and clean.  

He wants the Castle to have his family, a TV, his favorite foods and a place to rest his head. 

Understanding the needs of men and women help us create stronger and long-lasting marriages. This type of marriage brings the ultimate joy. 

Coming up next…. 

The #2 basic need for a man and a woman.  

What do you think they are?  

Let’s talk about it…