This week we continue to talk about the top basic needs of a man.
Quick review from last week. We talked about the first and second needs of a man, which are honor (appreciation and loyalty) and is sex.
The third basic need of a man is having fun with his wife and developing their friendship. Ladies this doesn’t mean sitting around chatting about feelings, housework, and bills. In fact, talking is one of the last things most men want to be doing. You can believe this when you see that statistic that says men speak on average 7000 words a day and women use 20,000 words a day. He may want to chat if he has not been talking the whole rest of the day. But, probably not.
Back to the third need: fun and friendship
To help us ladies better understand man’s need for friendship, let’s think about what he does with his buddies.
- They may have breakfast together
- Play sports like basketball or baseball
- Go fishing
- Go golfing
- Drive around together
- Hike
As you look at this list, one of the things common in each of these activities is that he is being active. Even driving the vehicle requires physical strength. Another common factor, which we already mentioned, is not much talking is happening during these activities. Even when they’re eating breakfast, they are mostly eating and not doing too much talking. Something else about these activities is they do it alongside each other. Side by side, not necessarily face to face.
Men are bonding through shared activities and the opportunity of being able to reminisce about their activities in the future.
What a man wants from his wife is a similar experience. Men understand that there are projects that need to get done around the house. They also know that there has to be some chatting about life and responsibilities. If we women could do it quickly with as few words as possible and be very specific, they would be very happy. Schedule brief time slots for these types of conversations then get back to fun and friendship making. Projects that need to be done can be done with both of you together. This fulfills his third basic need.
I think about all the painting my husband and I have done—really, he has done. I get the stuff out and he comes along and starts painting. He does a much better job than me. I step back (but stay in the room, after all it is about being with him) and occasionally say stuff. He is happy to keep painting. The project gets done and we’re both happy.
My husband has told me that he likes it when I’m with him while he is working on something. I mean he is totally OK with me just sitting there (preferably not talking too much) watching him. If sitting there watching my hottie husband work, is all he wants- I can DO THAT!
Projects are not the only way to experience fun and friendship. I mentioned in an earlier post about us doing a Lazy Cougarathon (or lazy ironman according to me). This involves swimming which my husband really enjoys, me—not so much. To complete the swimming portion, we would go together and share a lane in the pool.
The first few times I thought my husband would just take off since he’s a much stronger swimmer than me. He didn’t. He stayed right with me. I asked him why he didn’t go faster. He told me he liked being by me. Again—together, not much conversation, but doing something fun. (We did talk about when we retire, we could swim laps together more often. Making plans for more fun in the future.)
Throughout our married life we have enjoyed hanging out together. Sometimes I would worry that we don’t talk enough, but I’m pretty sure that’s because I’m a girl. I’ve since learned to go with a little more silence. Because most times it is about being together.
Our needs together
Now, don’t think I’m not getting one of my needs met because I am. The third top basic need for a woman is non-sexual affection (any touch not meant to lead to sex). I get plenty of this when we are in the car or sitting on the couch watching a movie. My husband and I hold hands and flirt with each other. (OK that’s more in the car, not when we’re watching a movie.) We make eye contact, rub shoulders, and stay physically touching.
This reminds me of one of our favorite dating memories where both of our #3 needs were met. His- fun and friendship and mine- nonsexual affection.
We decided to go miniature golfing and then to dinner. I can’t remember who came up with this challenge, but we both agreed to do it. We would see who could go the longest without kissing the other person. Whoever lost (meaning they caved and kissed the other) was buying dinner. Off we went to miniature golfing. At every golfing hole, the flirtations increased. Touching (appropriately in public), winking, and tempting each other to cave and give the first kiss.
Well, we both survived the course without giving in. As we (me innocently) walked back to the car my then fiancé said, “Do you know how to whistle?” I put my lips together—like I was going to whistle (which looked a lot like I was puckering up)—and he leaned in closer and kissed me! I thought for sure I had won the challenge. His reply when I said as much was “you puckered up and I didn’t want to make you feel bad by leaving you hanging. I thought you wanted to kiss.”
How could I argue with that charm and chivalry?
One of our greatest memories of being together, having fun, developing our friendship, and getting some non-sexual affection.
What memories have you created with your spouse that are about fun and friendship (and a little nonsexual affection)?
Let’s talk about it!